


Behind the Name

by TheyCallMeTrev (wrasslesmut)



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Injury, F/M, Female Character of Color, Kaidan is a good bean, Mentions of Akuze, Mentions of Shepard’s Family, Post-Reaper War, Shenko - Freeform, angsty, fluffy too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 09:56:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13028607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrasslesmut/pseuds/TheyCallMeTrev
Summary: Kaidan has a question about a particular detail in all of Shepard’s reports and files.





	Behind the Name

**Author's Note:**

> Recently played through the trilogy and was reminded of the fact that I am a sucker for a certain Major.

The question seems to come out of nowhere, but she knew it’d come eventually.

He’s had access to her files for years, has been serving under her without questioning why the second word in her personnel file reads [REDACTED] where her first name should be. Even with their close relationship, he never bothered to ask. He just continued on, referring to her as “Commander” or “Shepard”, calling her by her middle name in place of her first as he’s heard pretty much everyone do in the past. She figured that he did it out of respect for her privacy, but she also felt as though privacy between them was laughable at this point. He knew her name, he’d heard her family and Anderson use it plenty of times, but he just refused to question her on why nobody else knew it and opted to not call her by her first name.

He waits until he’s moved in and settled into her (now their) apartment on the Citadel to bother asking. She’s lying on the couch, her head in his lap and eyes focused on the large screen in front of them as Fleet and Flotilla plays. He’s focused on the datapad in his hands, reading over the expense report she had submitted and trying to figure out why her expenses were at least triple of what his were. But when he moves the datapad to get a better look at her to ask, the word where her name should be catches his eye.

“Hey, why’s your first name not in your personnel records?”

“Does it bug you, Major?”

“It’s certainly an eye grabber, Eves.”

“You can call me Francesca, I’m not going to combust.” She teases, pausing the movie as she sits up so she can look at him properly. “Nor will I kick you out of the apartment.”

“I appreciate that, sweetheart, but that’s not the question I’m asking.” He comments, setting the datapad on the coffee table before pulling her into his side. “We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not comfortable, I was just curious.”

“I really don’t mind talking about it, I’m just surprised it took you this long to bring it up.” He chuckles at her response, kissing the top of her head as she snuggled closer. “It’s not because I hate it, I actually love my name. I made the decision after Akuze; I was sitting in the med bay on the SSV Kilimanjaro, my mom sitting by my side as the doctor was tending to the injuries she could actually see-“

“The injuries she could _see_?” He cuts in, trying to grasp how injured she had to have been. Akuze wasn’t something they spoke about often; she didn’t even like it being mentioned in her presence and, as a result, he made sure never to bring it up.

“I was covered in blood Kaidan, at least half of it wasn’t mine, and I really wasn’t trying to leave my mom’s side to scrub it off at that point.” Shepard clarifies, keeping her tone even as she reminded herself that he knew close to nothing about what had happened on Akuze. The reports were confidential, her account and Toombs’ locked behind so many layers of military privacy that even Spectre status wasn’t enough to grant the access required to read the full account.

“Ah, I see.”

“Anyway, the doc is working but the whole time she’s _talking_. Going on and on about how brave I was, how strong I was to have lived even though fifty marines were killed by the thresher maws, how awe-inspiring the story of Francesca Shepard would be once it went public and I just – I felt so _sick_. I was sitting in front of her, a living breathing person, and she’d already turned me into some kind of fucking paragon for doing nothing. I literally stood in absolute shock and, as a result, got thrown around by a giant angry space worm while fifty marines were slaughtered and the woman had the nerve to tell me I was awe-inspiring? Fuck that.” She continued, hands playing with the hem of the t-shirt she had borrowed from his side of the closet. Whether she was doing it out of nervous habit or as a way to distract herself from her other nervous habits that involved her hands he wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t going to stop her. “So I looked her in the eye and told her my name was Evelyn, not Francesca. I wasn’t going to lose every piece of humanity I had simply because I got lucky, and I knew that was exactly what would happen if my first name was attached to those reports. I wouldn’t be able to simply exist as Frankie Shepard; daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend. Nobody would ever separate the lucky SOB who survived Akuze from the woman behind the solider and I couldn’t allow that to happen to me or my family.”

“How was your family affected?” He might be pushing his luck and her limits, but if he is she’s not stopping him from asking or refusing to answer. She only takes a deep breath, her hand abandoning the shirt she was wearing in favor of gently gripping the shirt he was wearing. He knew she was doing this to center herself, to remind herself that she was safe by holding onto him in some way and he would gladly offer himself to provide her that comfort.

“After Akuze I was granted a bit of shore leave, and Parker happened to have gotten some leave at the same time so we hung out. He had introduced himself so somebody and the immediate follow-up question was ‘so you know the sole survivor of Akuze?’” Her tone was so bitter, he could tell it was still so fresh and a lot of that was probably closely related to the fact that she could now add first human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel, and Savior of the entire fucking Galaxy to her resume. Or rather, Evelyn’s resume.

“How’d your brother handle that?”

“He laughed and said that he didn’t know Evelyn Shepard, his sister’s name was Frankie.” She smiled at the memory, and even Kaidan let out a small chuckle at the thought of her bulky older brother casually laughing off a part of his sister’s existence. “But I could see him get tense, the eye-roll us Shepards do way too well, his fist even clenched. My stroke of dumb fucking luck landed a ridiculous burden on my family, and it wasn’t something any of them had a say in. The least I could do was give them an out.”

Kaidan could only nod at that point, beyond words at how selfless the woman tucked into his side really was. Another kiss was pressed to the top of her head but he let his lips linger there, knowing that he needed to support her but not knowing exactly how to do that right now other than by being there with her.

“So, uh, long story short- every file I submit says [REDACTED] at the top because I officially had my first name removed from all Alliance and Council records. It’s Evelyn or nothing for them, and they won’t let me submit them with Evelyn as a first name because it isn’t my legal first name.”

“Why not change it?”

“Do you really think I look like an Evelyn?” She asks, teasing smirk on her face as she looks up at him. It’s almost as if she hadn’t just finished reliving what were some of the worst memories of her life just to appease his curiosity.

“Nah,” He responds after a moment of careful scrutiny of her features. Her jade green eyes sparkle with amusement as he tucks away the long strands of auburn hair that had escaped from her messy bun. “You’re definitely a Francesca.”

“Glad you think so,” She grins, looking at the datapad to see why he had brought up her name in the first place. “Is that my monthly expense report?”

“Yeah, I was going to ask why your expenses were triple mine. Just to make sure my numbers were accurate.”

“Ah, yeah, that.” She shrugs, leaning into him as she starts the movie again. “I bought a gun from the requisitions terminal. Beautiful rifle.”

“Of course you did.” 


End file.
